Some Write It Hot

December 22, 2010

Holiday Eating Tips by Lauren Fraser

Filed under: Writing life — dangerouslysexy @ 04:00
Tags: , , , ,

Christmas isn’t even here yet and already I’m feeling like I need to hit the treadmill and hit it hard. Yikes it could be grim. So when I saw this post on another group it seemed absolutely perfect. I know what you are thinking, stop making excuses, but come on it, it’s Christmas and that’s what New Year’s resolutions are all about. *grin* I would love to claim credit for the holiday eating tips but I completely stole it from someone else, unfortunately I don’t know who the original author is but whoever you are. Damn, you are bang on. LOL

So in case you are feeling a little like me about the dreaded holiday binge, here you go.

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they’re serving rum balls.

Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare… You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying that
10-pound plate of food and vat of eggnog.

If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three.

Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips and start over; but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by: “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to slide in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, but screaming, ‘woo hoo, what a ride!'”

Enjoy the Christmas season!!

All the best,

Lauren Fraser

http://www.laurenfraser.com

7 Comments »

  1. Hmm, moderation not your thing perhaps? 🙂 Fun post!

    Comment by Ellie Writes Too — December 22, 2010 @ 06:19 | Reply

  2. Oh, those are great suggestions! And I love the end, sliding into the grave. Heinlein misquote–‘Take big bites; moderation is for monks.’

    Comment by Cherise Sinclair — December 22, 2010 @ 09:52 | Reply

  3. Thanks for the laughs, Lauren. 😀

    Comment by dangerouslysexy — December 22, 2010 @ 11:11 | Reply

  4. Oh, I did enjoy this post.
    Read it three times =)

    Comment by KevaD — December 22, 2010 @ 13:01 | Reply

  5. LOL it makes me feel a little bit better about all the holiday eating in my future. Thank goodness for the treadmill. 🙂

    Comment by Lauren Fraser — December 22, 2010 @ 14:46 | Reply

  6. I agree with all of the above. Life is too short for dieting. Enjoy!

    Comment by Debbie Vaughan — December 22, 2010 @ 15:54 | Reply

  7. Love the tips and the quote at the end from my favourite author of all time, the late, great, Hunter S. Thompson, a man not known for his moderation.

    Comment by Lillian Grant — December 24, 2010 @ 22:29 | Reply


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